amphetamine ranted and raved on Saturday, June 28, 2003...01:34 p.m.
I've actually posted this in my LJ but I've made it private so only some people can view it. So all of you who went there via pitas won't be able to see it either, so I've decided to post it here so you can see it :) ==>
Man, I'm tired.
Just got back from my journey home with a heavy heavy bag on my shoulders. This work experience week has turned out pretty damn good. I learnt a lot and was actually given something to do that was part of project. Was boring at times and a bit nerve wracking but it was good.
Urgh. Just heard from a friend about something. Long story short, I was talking to this guy on MSN and he somehow told someone about our conversation which turned into some sick thing about me having cybersex (not condoning it but having a false rumour about me is wrong). It passed along like a wildfire in the year and I heard many different variations of it - all of them completely stupid. He said he was sorry that he told the person and that the rumours will die down. My life was horrible at that moment, I was completely new to that school, the country and I had that on my back. I realise that it's just "high-school stuff" but it didn't make it any less hurtful, where I was back to the stage where I felt inferior to those "popular" people...I had worked so hard to overcome that while I was Hong Kong and I was finally happy in Hong Kong, and it just started all over again.
Eventually, things did die down and life moved on...at this point, I really didn't like that guy but he had said sorry many times and gradually I just left it and was on friendly terms with him again.
That is, until just now.
See, my friend went to a school trip with him and just returned. She said that she thought he was a complete prick because he was talking behind my back. He said something like "Hey, have you talked to that (my name) girl?" and the other guys were like "No" and he said "Don't bother" , and then proceeded to 'confirm' to them that the rumours about me were true. She also believes that it was actually *him* who started the rumour.
Now, this is the same guy who said he was sorry etc and was 'friends' with me again. Obviously, he had the urge to be a complete jerk once again and brought up a dead subject and dragged my name in the mud again. Urgh. Should I really care this much about how other's think of me? Guys in my school don't think for themselves, the hear something and they will believe it so I probably will be avoided by 95% of the guys in my year - all based on one fucking rumour. It shouldn't get to me this much...but I can't help but fear everytime I bump into or see the 'popular' people, I fear about what they are thinking of me, I fear my reputation is crap because of this rumour (which it probably is). I hate this. I hate feeling like this again, when I had worked so hard to finally be OK.
On top of all this, I have the agonising wait for my AS results...everything, and I mean EVERYTHING depends on what I got for maths.
I hate this.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Thursday, June 19, 2003...10:37 a.m.
I have now acquired a LJ account...don't get me wrong! .pitas has been very kind to me and I will return to it to practice my html, so never fear! I'll be back!
Meanwhile, please go to my LJ site and leave a delightful comment :
Take me there!
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, June 17, 2003...09:42 a.m.
I'm really upset right now....really really upset. I think I have just lost my future at my prefered Universities....
My fault really. All my fucking fault.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, June 13, 2003...03:38 p.m.
WAKAKAKAKAKAKKAKAKAKAKAKA XD XD XD!!!!
I just finished my exams so happy lah! Haha, I had my P2 this morning at 9am...hehe, it wasnt so bad but i was frustrated afterwards because it was a good paper and if i were more prepared for it i would have done really well >___<
But all in all it was ok I suppose although i know i'll have to retake it next year. Oh well.
My God, it feels so good to be free of exams and all...hai...now i have to worry about my results and shit -___- OHH! you know what pissed me off? Ok, orginally i was gonna go home after the exam yea? but then we heard that we'd be in shit and stuff if we didnt attend the rest of the lessons of the day and that if we didnt then they'd phone our parents and stuff SO STUPID! so yea, i was gonna go to economics and the teacher didnt show up, not i have double chem which is just as stupid because im not actually doing anything except type this entry...haha.
my problem is that i need to get home early to get ready for going out tonight. See, we are meeting at notting hill gate station at 5:45pm, but i get home at around 5, and there is no way i can get there in 45mins even without getting ready and stuff...hai. so pointless! so im gonna have to meet them later -__-;;
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, June 3, 2003...05:06 p.m.
Heh. One failed...five to go.
....*sniff sob sniff sob*
Bye bye future.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Monday, June 2, 2003...09:21 p.m.
Tomrrow is my maths P1 exam....then I have exams every day after that until Fri. I have two exams on Thurs.
I am so screwed...not entirely prepared for these AS exams...but, nothing I can do now... and I think I've done all I can really.
I only get one shot, and if I blow it...*kaboom* bye bye University of choice.
Wish me good luck.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, May 27, 2003...10:47 p.m.
sorry for not blogging - on hiatus due to exams -__-
Just came back from seeing The Matrix:Reloaded
five. words. only.
it fucking rocked my world.
i'm still thinking about the endless theories and ideas and the concepts....fucking blew my mind. Screamed bloody murder when the film ended...cannot wait for Matrix Revolutions...I think i'm gonna piss myself*....
I'll post later on my thoughts and comments about the film, also, if you have seen it, i would LOVE to discuss it with you ;) [yes, im a geek. go away ^^] leave a comment and whatnot and i'll get back to you. =)
amphetamine ranted and raved on Tuesday, May 13, 2003...10:43 a.m.
diu. diu. diu
wor si lah -________-
so yea, yesterday i had one of my computing exams. yuk. it was an hour and half long and I was so nervous waiting for the exam. Let me begin in the morning. My exam was at 1:20pm so I didn’t really have to go into school until it was time for the exam but I decided that I didn’t really want to miss out on the first two periods of chem.[awww….i’m such a good girl haha] so got into school, had chem. ( boring) and then spend the all the time I had free in the library getting myself into “computing” mode and stuff…because this exam was really only on my coursework, where they ask you stupid questions and stuff about it. I then also decided that id go to my econ lesson, you know, just to “absorb” the kinda crap they supposedly “teach” you. By the end of econ, I had to go to do my exam now so I left econ and made my way to the main hall, and I noticed that there wasn’t anyone there! So I was like SHIT and I had no idea where the exam is held, luckily, I bumped into someone who does computing and they said it was in E8 *grumble*
ok, walked into room and sat down. The exam was so crap. It was NOTHING like the “mock” out shitty computing teachers gave us. AND it was so blatently obvious that the paper was biased towards those who did their cswk with programming. I mean for fucks sake, they asked “show in your CODING the validation for this and that” AND they said “write an ALGORITHM for this and that”
urgh. Didn’t go that well I suppose…like I said we have really crap teachers. And this isn’t just me saying this, its EVERYONE and they have the worst track record ever. Practically no one got an A last year…shit, and this is me who needs that fucking A to actually friggin study computer science at Uni. Sheesh. >__< there is actually a rumour going round that one of the teachers don’t actually have a teaching computing qualification….oh greaaaaat – not surprising though, seeing as he is actually the worst of the lot.
brr..its colder today….don’t like it. I’ll just return to my desk in the library now….actually, no, I have chem. in about 3 mins
p.s. im wondering if anyone actually knows they can add comments to my entries. People, you click on the link that appears at the END OF EVERY POST. Thank you. Yes you, that *one* person in the audience…….
amphetamine ranted and raved on Saturday, May 10, 2003...11:44 a.m.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell! Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
You are Gambit!
You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have. Your preference for solitude and your attractiveness make you very intriguing to those you meet. Unfortunately, close relationships are few and far between for you because you often have trouble opening up to others.
amphetamine ranted and raved on Friday, May 9, 2003...10:29 a.m.
urgh its friday..woke up so dead this mornin...had to get some of the water in my cup to splash on my face to try and wake me up -__-;;
I went to the jazz concert last night that they held at school, with this jazz player called Digby Fairweather, with Mr Mark Wallace (my econ teacher at the piano). he is actually really good. very good in fact. much better piano teacher than he is econ teacher lol. other people in the band were from school, like on the the sax players was gabby, a girl in my form class who i sometimes talk to. it was really good. when we arrived at theatre, we found that there was free alcohol! whhee! we had a choice of white wine, red wine, orange juice or orange squash. I had a white wine because im not too fond of the red ^_- so yea, we then went into the theatre even though none of us had tickets lol but it was ok and they let us in. we got ourselves a table and sat down to enjoy the concert ^^. it was very cool, i liked the jazz music and there was a funny moment when mr wallace's piano chair broke! and he just fell onto the floor. Muwhahaha! luckily it wasnt during a song or anything =P there was also a jazz singer, called stephanie who is in the upper sixth and she was really good at singing jazz too ^^, then there was an interval.
during the interval i walked outside to get another glass of white wine when mr rose walked to me with two drinks in his hand and asked me to give them to mr wilson in the theatre. i said "ok sure" and went to look for a mr wilson who had white/grey hair as i had no idea who mr wilson actually was. so i was walking around like an idiot in the theatre looking for this mr wilson and i just couldnt find him, so i had to ask mr.leake (my other econ teacher) where he was. he kindly offered to take the drinks off me and give them to him when he saw mr wilson. so i went back outside and i saw mr wilson standing right next to mr rose.......
he tricked me! gggrrr! and there i was, walking around like a complete mug! >.<
in the end, i had to leave before the concert was finished because it was too late and my mum wouldnt be too happy and stuff..so i left at around 9:15 even though i wanted to stay for the whole thing...damn.
jazz is a very good genre of music, id recommend it to all of you (population:1)
*goes off to download some jazz music*
amphetamine ranted and raved on Wednesday, May 7, 2003...07:14 p.m.
so yea, today we had the ENTIRE SCHOOL PHOTO. Now, this is quite a huge task considering there are over 1000+ kids in our school. so what happened was that we all went to this nearby park where there was some scafolding set up. this scafolding was high man...like shit high. imagine steps but without the vertical lines yea? and there were like, 15 tiers high...
ok, so when we got there we were split up into a male line and a female line, tallest at the front lol. so i trudged my way to the end and talked to some of the upper sixths. then they started to "build" the picture ie. start to get everyone on. they started first with the sixth form boys in the middle block and then the girls were split into half, one half to the left of the boys, the other half to the right. Now, being among the shorties, we were the last to get on this scary scaffolding...and I ended up being on the friggin HIGHEST tier! even going up the steps were damn scary because you could see the ground below...and it didnt help that the whole damn thing was SHAKY! So yea, coz we were sixth form, we were up there first...so we had to wait for about 40 mins just STANDING there waiting for the 5th form, 4th form etc etc to fill up the scaffolding [edit:this scaffolding was mega long....really really wide] during this time, we were all baking hot because the sun was shining..the guys had their suits and stuff on, but the girls had the bettter option, like, i was only wearing a shirt. and my feet were getting so tired >_< i was in my boots with high heels and standing around in one spot made my feet ache..urgh.
during this time, there were these kids on bikes who thought it would be "clever" to start doing wheelies in front of us, at first it was like yay! but they just kept on doing it over and over again..and it was like "dude, it aint funny anymore you twat". one of them dared to cycle amongst the teachers and kids who were in lines ready to be filled into the scaffolding, but the best bit was when he was doing a wheelie, his friend was attempting a wheelie and they crashed into each other! bwahaha! losers.
Ok, so finally, we had all been assembled, the teachers had their university gowns on etc etc and the photographer told us to smile etc. but someone held up his hands and pointed them in opposite directions lol which kinda pissed the photographer off and ranted on saying how it was costing money, each negative was 15 pounsd, wasting time blah blah blah...then we did a good one....then the next photo someone put on a pair of chem lab goggles! lol! and then the photographer bitched again blah blah blah...finally, when we had taken 2 more decent ones...they started to get people off the scafolding. (ooh! forgot to mention that before the photographer took pics, this old granny was taking pics with HER camera! haha** it was so adorable ^^ that is, of course, when someone told me it was an old man...*whistles innocently* HEY! i was at the friggin back of the scaffolding, about 20 feet off the ground and i was wearing my contacts OK?!)
getting down was also shit scary...and wearing high heeled boots did not make things better. but eventually it was ok, no one PK'ed ^^ school resumed as normal and had badminton for PE w00t.
i have two tests on friday...urgh. a unit 2 chem and a econ test...shite. so dead...heard the chem one was really hard -___-
gah...ive got so much revision to do...im really terrified that i'll fail...because this is it. if you dont do well, you wont get into a good uni. AAAARRRRGGHHH.
and i STILL havent got the hang of P1 and S1....even worse. i dont really give a toss about P2, im resolved to re-taking it next year...its just too damn hard...*big sigh*